Reflection on God's grace

In my constant quest to be closer to God, I find myself still disappointed with the lack of progress. One of the top things on my "ways get closer to God list" is daily devotion in my Bible. Hmmm, more like almost never. I find it disappointing because I'd love to be more familiar with the Bible. Most times, when I'm interested in finding out about something, I attack the subject. I read whatever I can get my hands on (or Google). I read and read and read until I feel pretty confident about what I know. Not so here. Why is that? If you are familiar with John Eldredge, you'll know what he says about the enemy attacking us and constantly trying to meddle in our lives and steer our hearts away from God. He's totally doing that with me right now. A couple of years ago (wow, feels like a few months) I was so close to God. He healed my heart of some pretty crazy junk and I felt so hopeful. Now, I find myself trapped in moments of doubt and hopelessness - will we ever be financially free? Will Ian ever get hired at a better dept? It can be so disheartening. The other day I was throwing myself a pity party and I could feel His gentle nudging at my heart. It was then that I realized that I was being passive with the enemy's attack. Rather than standing up and fighting the crap that was being thrown at me, I laid down and went with it. This enlightenment helped so much. I lifted the situation in prayer and that was it. Peace. I remembered why I had been transformed from worry wort to carefree and I just let go and gave it to God. Try it. Pray for peace and understanding and give it over to Him. Thank God for the blessings in your life and ask for more. They will come. They always do.

Wow, that's totally not where I had intended to go with this posting, but I guess He had other plans:)